Wednesday, October 14, 2009

My { Heart } is aching

I love that song "Smile",
It says:

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky,
youll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
Youll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

Sometimes it is easier said than done.

A blog is supposed to be some ones "personal journal"
I have always been afraid to post feelings, or thoughts on my blog,
always afraid to offend some one or look like a "Debbie downer"

Well, today.. I don't care anymore

I have a personal health issue that I have struggled with for a long time, my illness almost cost me my life a couple of times and I almost lost my daughter in a custody battle.

It NEVER goes away,
It can be easier,
It can be HARD,
And I am still not sure I am ready for people to know!!

On top of my OWN personal issue,

I am the mother of a little girl with two cronic health issues.
Mattie is a Type 1 Diabetic and an epileptic.
It is NEVER GOING TO GO AWAY!!! (the reality of that is hard enough to face)
It can be easy at times,
not only for me, but for Mattie as well.
She gives 10 + shots to her self daily,
test her blood sugars several times daily, right now we are averaging 13 TESTS DAILY.
Mattie is now going through the puberty stages, (YEAH ME) NOT!!
It is more difficult on a diabetic going through puberty,
our bodies produce more hormones, hence HIGHER SUGARS,

More testing,
More sleepless nights,
Extreme high's and lows,
Constant calls to the doctor,

How EXTREMELY difficult ALL of this is.

On top of this,
I AM supposed to WORK FULL TIME !!!
It is near impossible,
I am up testing all night,
up early for work,
CONSTANT anxiety... (how is Mattie)
Worry, stress and even DEPRESSION.

OOH such as life right?

Well, we will survive and I know that I have lots of things to be

Stay tuned for me of:
These are the days of Heidi Rogers!!


Kari said...

Oh you are so not alone. You do have your hands full though and on really bad days sometimes all you can do is take it hour by hour. Mattie is so lucky to have such an incredibly caring mom. There is no one more suited to be her mom than you. Hang in there and keep posting. There are so many people that support and care about you and your family.

Jamie Bowers said...

I am so sorry Heidi. You are dealing with alot. I can't even imagine how hard it would be to deal with those illnesses. But you are strong and you can get though it. Know that you are not alone, although you may look at people and think there life is a walk in the park I guarantee they are also going through hard horrible things. Some people hide it and bottle it and some choose to talk about it and help other people for the good. You are one of those people XOXO

Jill said...

I hope you feel better releasing your emotions and talking about it. It's healing and helpful I think!! I'm so sorry for the trials you have. I hope things will get better. You are awesome!!

Anonymous said...

Whats's Up im new here. I hit upon this chat board I have found It positively helpful & it's helped me alot. I should be able to give something back and aid other people like it has helped me.

Thanks, See You Later