The Clan

Sunshine

2011-12-01T15:18:00.003-07:00

Before Brohlen was born, it had been a year since Mattie was diagnosed with diabetes, and she recently was diagnosed with epilepsy.

I was in my last trimester with Brohlen, and of course very LARGE... and it was in July so extremely HOT. Mattie had seized and the night before Kevin was at a card game, so he was passed out on the couch. I grabbed Mattie in my arms and with Callie's help we managed to get her in the van and up to the hospital.

At the time, it didn't seem like a big deal, he went and had fun and is sleeping, however, I should never have to rely so much on my children to help me in that way. Callie (7) at the time, had to help me get my shoes on, since I was nice and plump, she had to put herself in the doorway so that Mattie would hit her head. I almost dropped her and I remember Callie running and tripped on the stairs to get to both of us.

Neither one of us cried at that time, we were so focused on getting Mattie to the hospital. Callie sat in the back with Mattie, both of us singing "You are my Sunshine" that's Mattie's favorite song. I have sang that song to her since she was in my belly, and when she seizes she is so calm when I sing that song to her. Now, I have no singing voice, I really sound horrible, but for some reason she like when I sing to her.

When we got the ER, Callie ran in the building telling them we need help and by the time the nurses got out to me, my plumpness and Mattie were on the ground. I felt pretty stupid, but geez I am pregnant and trying so hard to carry Mattie who was 7.

So, we get Mattie in and they are running blood test and took her to a CT Scan, Callie and I finally looked at each other and started to cry. She said "mom, I thought you both were going to die, when you almost fell" she is so sweet. Callie and I sat and cried for a good hour before they brought Mattie back into the room. All was well and I opted to take her home.

We got home and at this point it is well into the day, we left early in the morning and got home about 3 or so in the afternoon. Kevin was lounged on the couch and had no clue what had happened or where we were. Hmmmm, you would have thought I would have seen it all then. Well I did see it, but just had a lot of hope that we could still work it out and keep our family.

I knew he drank, but I didn't think it would ever get out of control. I can see now why some woman or men stay in those relationships, however, I hope they see their worth and the worth of their kids before its too late.

My kids are my SUNSHINE, forever and always. I still see the very best in people, see the best in situations. I will see the sunshine in myself and my kids.

New

2011-11-22T15:43:00.002-07:00

I knew Kevin drank, it wasn't bad at the time, he would have a beer or a whiskey some days, then when the missionaries came along he quit. Just quit cold turkey... I was so shocked, he seemed to have much more in life than the alcohol, like the kids and I were so important.

Now, for me... it doesn't matter if he drank or smoked or even that he didn't go to church. Yes, it would have been wonderful for him to come every Sunday and help me out, or to not have to worry about the smell of the smoke or his drinking. But, I really accepted him for everything he was, I loved him for the hard work he did and for the man I could see him trying to be. I know that when we love someone we love them for ALL the BAD, the GOOD and the hardest of times, you try your hardest to help them succeed. So, I was not about to tell him how to live his life, or that he needed to do what I wanted him to do.

Some days I would cry in church seeing all these cute families and the daddy's taking the silly kids out in the hall, or helping to break up a fight between the kids, or even just putting his arm around his wife. I would never take those small things for granted. But I went and made it my own, and knew maybe someday...

But then something happened, he started to have a whiskey or two or three... every night. I would take him and his brother to poker games or to the bar, and I would have to pick them up at or around 2am, that way I knew he was safe. I am not sure if I did it to make him happy, afraid of what he would do, or If I really was OK with it. Maybe I enabled him too much, gave him to many windows and opportunities to drink and do what ever? not sure... guess it doesn't really matter now.

Sometimes when I would pick him up he was nice, and others not so nice. He never hit me at this point, just was verbally abusive. Yelled at me for the way I drove, or the way I looked at 2 in the morning, like I was supposed to look like a MOVIE STAR? made me feel very self conscience of myself. I just sat and ignored him, but the more times you hear it the more you dwell on it. Then it got to the point that I would have to get ready before I picked him up, maybe that would make him happier and when he came home I wouldn't be afraid of the yelling and waking the kids up.

My heart is still so heavy, so many scars to have to heal, so angry that I even have to try and heal these wounds. Here it is now right before Thanksgiving, one of my worst holidays... way too much food, and every one expecting me to EAT more than I can. And yet, I am angry and I should be thankful.

I do know that there are MANY, MANY things that I am thankful for, I see it in my kids, my strength, family and friends. I will keep smiling and keep my head high, for I know My true WORTH.

Humpty Dumpty

2011-11-09T14:35:00.004-07:00

There are so many days when I really feel Heavenly Father lift my feet off the bed, help me stand tall and put a smile on my face. Most of the time I just want to cry and cry some more, but my faith and my family hold me all together. Sometimes I feel like humpty dumpty and I can't get put back together again.

Although, I do know that in time all wounds heal, but some of those scars that we have may never fully recover.

I don't know when my eating disorder started.... but it got pretty bad after I had Mattie. Something just clicked and I just didn't eat. So many times I would go back and forth and say "yes, I do have one" or "no I don't, I am just fine" then I would look in the mirror and say "oh my gosh... how did I get like this"

I always distorted my image, always saw something else. It was like a costume I put on everyday, not sure if it was going to be the good one or a bad one, a blimp or just a normal person.

In my counseling sessions I met some interesting friends and learned lots of tricks...

I used to ALWAYS use a thick cup, not a glass one had to be a solid cup. That way I could spit my food in my cup, and then say "oh I need more water" then dump it out and rinse the cup or just spit it into my napkin carefully. If you drink 2 tbls of vinegar before you eat, you will eat a lot less...

So, when Aaron (Matties dad) and I were married, he tried his best to help, but I don't think at the time I was ready to. I was in control of my self and no one could tell me no or what to do. I was a stay at home mom and kept so busy..... I love to clean, if I am cleaning then I will be too busy to think about eating. We decided we weren't ment to be and it was a peaceful divorce and we still are very good friends.

*** He did tell me this though, "Heidi I know you love Mattie more than anything, so I know you will do the right thing and get better for her, if you don't I will get custody of her" So, I did... I struggled everyday but I did it... I was still in control and I was eating and my beautiful daughter was growing and healthy and sweet.

When did it fall apart? hmmm, I don't know if it ever was fully intact or if it can be for some people. A lot of eating disorders are a control issues, or just low self esteem. I do know that I try everyday to eat and eat something healthy.. my friends at work watch over me all the time and remind me to eat.

Some days when I eat, I feel so guilty and gross... my teeth feel ick and my mouth just doesn't like it, so I do skip meals, however, I always make sure my kids see me eat. Today, has been a good day, eating lunch was good and I feel good.

My story

2011-11-08T10:29:00.004-07:00

I haven't blogged in so long, sorry for that. I just recently talked on the phone with this counselor and he mentioned to me to write, write it all down. Get it out there and off my mind and out of my mind. There is so much, I don't know where to begin, some people knew lots of my story and some knew nothing about me really.

Kevin and I had been together 10 years and married 6 years.. he is charming, and spontaneous. He has a bad boy kind of vibe to him, with a sweet personality. On June 6Th. 2005 we decided to join our families and be one... so I became Mrs. Heidi Rogers, we celebrated with our kids and a nice dinner.

In the meantime, two sweet missionaries came to our door and I wasn't interested and about to shut the door; Kev said he was interested and so they had a discussion in our front room. Kevin and Mattie listened in on the talk and I just was a big bumpy prego going about my chores. Yep, kind of like Cinderella... but with a big ol belly that got in the way at times.

The missionaries came several more times and the more they came the more I got involved as well. We started praying as a family and doing family home evening and yep.... we went to church. I thought the walls would cave in on me, but nope. We were all accepted in with open and happy hearts.

Kevin and I were looking for a new house to help fit our family that was growing... we found a nice cute house in a cul-de-sac and right next to the Jr. High and Elementary schools. We were so excited it would be so easy for Mattie and Brohlen. We loved our house, we did a lot of fixing up in the yard and in the house. We had a trampoline, swing set, four happy kids, and life was good.

On the outside we all looked so happy, we looked like we had the perfect marriage, we had it all.

It amazes me how we can see people everyday, either a friend, or neighbor, or just pass by someone in the store and have no idea what they are REALLY going through.

My story isn't always a happy one, but its mine and I am ready to share all those fires I have walked through and the egg shells I have had to carefully walk on to not crack it.

My journey through anorexia, single young mom, abusive relationship and now a single OLD (hehe) mom, begins tomorrow.

I cooked!!

2010-02-01T07:32:00.002-07:00

Kev and I have a sort of set rule....

He cooks and I clean. He is not ALLOWED to do the laundry, everything turns out bleached, he doesn't clean because I usually have it done. He does help though...

Kevin is a really good cook, he is creative and he loves when the kids help him too, but his little draw back is EVERY MEAL IS MEAT & POTATOES, UGH!

I know I shouldn't be complaining, because at least he cooks. When Kev is not home to cook than my kids have cereal or frozen pizza's, ya know easy stuff. This is because food is BORING, and I can't touch the meat. It seriously makes me sick. The smell, the texture ALL OF IT! BLAH.

So, Kev has had to work 10 hour days, and than had to work Saturday and Sunday. So, guess what???

I actually cooked dinner for him. NOPE it wasn't frozen pizza or sloppy Joe's....

I made steaks and mashed potatoes with gravy and rolls. Then I made Chicken w/cheesy noodles and salad.

Guess what else??

They ALL liked it!!

This doesn't mean I am ALWAYS going to cook, it just goes to show when you really want to do something you just do it.

Another good thing is, I teach dance at Dance Image Studios. On Friday we performed at the Utah Jazz game and did a fabulous job. Kev and the kids were there and we got to go to the Jazz game and have lots of fun. It's good to be back into dance, I didn't know how much I missed it until now. Although, I am not home a lot but, I enjoy it and the girls are so much fun.

{ OUR SeCrEt }

2010-01-27T07:18:00.003-07:00

I have a secret that I will share with you....I know that your not supposed to tell secrets, but this is too cute to not say. Kevin and Mattie don't even know!!

Since I went back to teaching dance, I usually don't get home til late. My sweet Brohlen waits up for me to get home.

Any one that knows me knows I LOVE TREATS, cupcakes, candy bar, ice cream, any fun treat you can think of I LOVE IT!!

So, since Brohlen is usually awake on my late nights, him and I share a small SECRET. We get a treat whether it's crackers and cheese, apples, chocolate, cupcake, ice cream, carrots and ranch... you get the picture.

Yep, him and I sneak a treat and than we EAT IT in his room and giggle, that no one knows our little secret. He makes me laugh because he just giggles and thinks it's the best thing in the world.

The other night I came home and he ran down gave me a HUGE (((HUG))) and couldn't wait to show me what he had in his bedroom. We sneak upstairs and under the covers was....

HOLY MOLY TREATS.. I think he had every kind of treat we had in our house, he had:
A Twinkie,
Crackers,
Apple,
a bag full of our bite sized candy bars,
the box of Toaster Strudels,
Pop Tart,
He cracks me up he said " We can only have one bite of each treat"

NO, we did not eat those. We had crackers with some pepper jack cheese, brushed our teeth and went to bed. I am so thankful these times and these SECRETS we share.

I know that I will never forget them and neither will he, and maybe one day when he is like 30 he can have a SECRET with one of his kids.

2010-01-17T22:56:00.003-07:00

I really need to getting blogging more often.. I love seeing every ones blogs and their cute families, and all the fun stuff every one has been up too.

We had a good Christmas! This year we decided not to do a BIG xmas. Growing up I had a HUGE x-mas, there were presents galore, and when I had my kids, I thought that's the way it was supposed to be.

Well, it's not... or at least it doesn't have to be. We cut back, and I am so proud of my kids. ALL of them were extremely grateful for FAMILY and for the presents that they did get. I am really blessed to have them in.

Mattie is doing much better, YEAHHH although we are in puberty stage and that does mess w/her blood sugars, and we do have unexpected highs and lows.. but, with lots of testing and care full planning we are managing very well.

I usually NEVER set New Years Resolutions, it is hard to set something because than you want it more. But, this year... I really want to keep a journal as well as blog more. I love that I can write or say what I need to and then it's off my chest or get advice!!

We will see how it goes! Here are some pic's of my fam!

Halloween Party

2009-10-27T20:44:00.003-06:00

Our witch's BREW
My decorated table

Our finger food!

The cutest girls!

Bloody cups!

Mattie's Halloween Party was a blast...

We had so much fun. We played Ghost in the Graveyard and Light as a Feather Stiff as a Board, as well as a vampire game. We had a fashion show, and costume contest, scary movie, and scary and gory things to eat...

Kevin got us a fog machine,

and it made our house even SCARIER!!

The girls were so much fun, we really had a good time.

Inhale and Exhale

2009-10-21T07:28:00.002-06:00

When did my kids grow up??

Where have I been through all this, I don't remember them growing up !! (j/k)

Mattie ALWAYS has her cute friends over,
and they came to Kev and I last night

"We are having a Halloween Party on Sat,.."
"ooh we need you to help us make invitations"

Yep,
There was no ASKING
We were TOLD!!

Kev and I looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders
and went to get the scrap book stuff out to make invitations.

How come I can't SAY NO??

I guess I would rather have them at our house
then I know what is going on and what is being said.
We want our kids to have the best time in life,
and so LET'S PARTY!!!

One of Mattie's friends said "your parents ROCK"

Yeah for us!!

We are now planning a 6th grade Halloween party.

I will need ideas, you mom's!!

I Love Him

2009-10-19T08:33:00.007-06:00

I love this guy!!

WE ARE {PERFECT}

Ok, just kidding, we are not perfect, nor do we have a perfect marriage.

But, we have each other.

He is always saying something funny,

he is so smart,

he is charming,

he ALWAYS smells sooo good, yumm.

We have been throug a lot this last couple of months,

and have tried so hard to work together to figure things out.

Last night Kev came in bed and woke me up

"hey, I just wanted to tell you that I love you"

me: "I love you too, good night"

Kev: "no, I mean I really do love you and is there anything I can do for you to help you"

me: " ummm, no, I love you too. Go to bed"

Kev: " I can't sleep, I feel like I just need to talk to you"

So, NOW I am awake, and we talked about our future,

our kids

our dreams

wants

desires

EVERYTHING

and we laughed.

He is so funny

The thing that made me feel bad and the reason for the post is;

He said " I love our kids, but I love you sooo much more, is that bad"

Me: "No, it's not"

Kev: " Well I love being with them, but nothing compares to when I am with you,

or when we are hanging out"

I on the other hand, I think I feel differently.

I love Kevin with all my heart,

but,

I love my kids....

When I wake up I think of them first,

when I shop, I think of them first,

EVERYTHING I DO IS FOR MY KIDS!

Is this a MOTHER thing??

Why do I feel bad, that my kids are first??

H1N1

2009-10-18T11:56:00.002-06:00

OOh the swine flu....

It hit my house!
My poor Brohlen started with a high fever Friday night.
His fever was 102.8..... AAHH

So Sat morning I took him in, and confirmed swine flu.
He also has very large tonsils and an ear infection... (sad)
The doctor got us a referal to the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist.
He snores so bad, and his tonsils shouldn't be so enlarged.

So, they said either quarantine Mattie or Brohlen,
but KEEP THEM APART.

Mattie has no immune system so we have to be extra careful.
She is so bugged by me now, she already washes her hands
several times a day, now I am a washing hands FREAK!!

It has been so hard to keep them away, we are such a close family,
and they play so games all the time, that its been sad, and Brohlen feels bad.

I have bleached my entire house, and washing our sheets everyday.
I am sure if I keep things really clean than no one else will get this bug.

The doctor said that it's good I brought him in so soon, that way we are catching it before
more of the mucus and fever set in, and the sooner he is on an antibiotic the sooner we rid of it.

Fever today has been low 102-100... Yeah!!
He is such a little trooper, and still is trying so hard to play.

Other than that, we have had a pretty good weekend, and Mattie hasn't had a seizure!!!

New Day!!

2009-10-16T07:52:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a hard day.
We had incidents with Mattie's teacher, and FINALLY got her moved into a better class.

Now hope full she will have better blood sugars, YEAH!!

I am still testing her at midnight and 3:00 am, since that is when our bodies produce the most hormones.

And, I ate and got some rest.

My cute husband cleaned our house, and got me Carl's Jr. for dinner. I had been craving a big juicy, messy hamburger!!

I still have so much ANXIETY.....
the incidents that happened at Mattie's school, were bad, bad enough I had to contact an attorney and was told that I do have a case.

Although, extremely messy and expensive. We decided not to pursue the case and to work it out the best we can for Mattisin's sake.

I can't go into detail yet of the case on a blog, but..
I still feel as though I was brushed aside, they still are making me feel that they are not taking me serious. I want them to know that this teacher has personally affected Mattie.

I am sure it must be really hard to be a teacher, and have to worry about a diabetic.
But, when your child fears that teacher, and is afraid to tell the teacher about her diabetes issues, that to me is a big deal.

Well, we did get her moved and all I can hope now is that it will be better from here on out and move on. (my moms advice is always best)

Time heals us, and it will take some time. It's Friday !!

I hope every one has a good weekend and here is a happy quote to end on:

Epictetus
There is only one way to happiness,
and that is cease worrying about the things
which are beyond the power of our will.

My { Heart } is aching

2009-10-14T07:40:00.003-06:00

I love that song "Smile",
It says:

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky,
youll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
Youll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

Sometimes it is easier said than done.

A blog is supposed to be some ones "personal journal"
I have always been afraid to post feelings, or thoughts on my blog,
always afraid to offend some one or look like a "Debbie downer"

Well, today.. I don't care anymore

I have a personal health issue that I have struggled with for a long time, my illness almost cost me my life a couple of times and I almost lost my daughter in a custody battle.

It NEVER goes away,
It can be easier,
It can be HARD,
And I am still not sure I am ready for people to know!!

On top of my OWN personal issue,

I am the mother of a little girl with two cronic health issues.
Mattie is a Type 1 Diabetic and an epileptic.
It is NEVER GOING TO GO AWAY!!! (the reality of that is hard enough to face)
It can be easy at times,
MOST days IT IS DIFFICULT
not only for me, but for Mattie as well.
She gives 10 + shots to her self daily,
test her blood sugars several times daily, right now we are averaging 13 TESTS DAILY.
Mattie is now going through the puberty stages, (YEAH ME) NOT!!
It is more difficult on a diabetic going through puberty,
our bodies produce more hormones, hence HIGHER SUGARS,

More testing,
More sleepless nights,
Extreme high's and lows,
Constant calls to the doctor,
LOTS of FRUSTRATION!!

NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND,
How EXTREMELY difficult ALL of this is.

On top of this,
I AM supposed to WORK FULL TIME !!!
It is near impossible,
I am up testing all night,
up early for work,
CONSTANT anxiety... (how is Mattie)
Worry, stress and even DEPRESSION.

OOH such as life right?

Well, we will survive and I know that I have lots of things to be
THANKFUL for!!

Stay tuned for me of:
These are the days of Heidi Rogers!!

A Child's Advocate!

2009-09-11T09:00:00.001-06:00

Mattie was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes five years ago.

Wow, that went fast!

I remember in the hospital, thinking of what it would be like for us five years from then or even longer.

Would it be under control,

will there be a cure by then,

Is she going to be with me forever,

How can I change this

What can I do differently

All of these thoughts were running in my mind, and the scariest part of my answer was,

NOTHING.

Nothing I can do will change how it is, will not make it go away, nor can it cure her.

I can,

Learn and keep learning,

I can be a good listener,

I can give her my strenght,

Encourage her,

Trust her,

Love her,

Give her comfort,

Kiss her fingers and her bruises from shots,

Mainly teach her where to find her own strenght.

NEVER have I allowed it to be a crutch. We continually have some small struggle.

Recently, we had an altercation with Mattisin's school teacher.

She refused Mattie to test her blood,

Wouldn't let Mattie call me for insulin,

Let her walk in the hallway ALONE, when Mattie was low,

Wouldn't let her eat a snack,

Told Mattie on several occasions that she NEEDS and has to have

better diabetes management.

NEVER, I mean NEVER

did I think I would EVER have to step up for her diabetes this way.

I was totally shocked, and felt so hurt.

I stood up for Mattie and let the teacher know,

this is not ok,

it is not ok for you to talk to her this way,

Mattie and I go through enough as it is, we don't need this in our lives.

Luckily... I handled it very much like a big girl,

I wanted to throw a HUGE temper tantrum and REVENGE!!

I didn't..

I talked calmly and told them, that Mattie will have and use her rights!

All seems well now!

Mattie may be teased from time to time,

or get her feelings hurt.

There is nothing I can do about those things in her life,

but,

when it comes to her health and her diabetes,

I will take ACTION!!

DIABETES SUPER MOM!!

Long Time

2009-09-09T07:49:00.003-06:00

I have not blogged in so long...

It is so crazy how life goes so fast, and before you know it....

You have an 8th grader, two 6th graders and one cute and cuddly Dennis the Menace who just wants to go to school sooo bad... he can't he is only 4!!

Life just can't get any better for us right now. There isn't a lot to say, we are a normal family with CRAZY, mouthy, sweet, cute, stinky, adorable, smart, frustrating KIDS!!

I went back to teaching dance, and I love it. I love being with the girls and seeing them accomplish. The only draw back is, that I get home later at night.. and I feel I missed so much with my kids.

So, on my days I don't have dance,

I play hide and seek outside til dark
Bake cookies with them
Watch scary movies, and eat popcorn
Put together a fun puzzle (Brohlen loves this)
Play Transformers
Play Spiderman, I am always the bad guy though :(
Have Mattie do my nails
Do Mattie's nails
Make forts in the house
Talk Girl Talk, Like Totaly!!

I DON'T
Worry about the messes
Hurry to do the dishes
Stress about the laundry not ALL done
Yell
Care anymore if my house is NOT perfect ALL the time.

Mother's Day

2009-05-11T07:38:00.002-06:00

In 1912, Anna Jarvis trademarked the phrases "second Sunday in May" and "Mother's Day", and created the Mother's Day International Association.

"She was specific about the location of the apostrophe; it was to be a singular possessive, for each family to honour their mother, not a plural possessive commemorating all mothers in the world."

This is also the spelling used by U.S. President Woodrow Wilson in the law making official the holiday in the U.S., by the U.S. Congress on bills,[3][4] and by other U.S. presidents on their declarations.

Common usage in English language also dictates that the ostensibly singular possessive "Mother's Day" is the preferred spelling, although "Mothers' Day" (plural possessive) is not unheard of.

Thanks to ONE wonderful lady, ALL the Mother's in the world get to have ONE day of HONOR.

I had a really good Mother's Day. We went to church and although I had to sit with the sunbeam's and my little sunbeam boy was CRAZY...... I still got to go to Relief Society and it was really pleasant.

We held a Mother's Day Brunch at our house.....
My wonderful husband cooked,
sausage,
bacon,
eggs,
hashbrowns
and we had pineapple, apples and bananas....
It was lots of fun and enjoyable.

I feel like it is Mother's Day every day, I don't have to cook, (kev does it ALL)...
My kids do well in school, we have SOOO much fun together.
If I am sick they take care of me, even clean the house!!

Every thing I do, everything I want to do, and the Mother, woman and friend that I am
is all do to my KIDS. If not for them, I could not be the BEST Mother!

Repeat, repeat, REPEAT!!!

2009-05-08T08:25:00.007-06:00

OH MY GOODNESS!!

When you were a kid and you mom said

" I am tired of repeating myself"

What did you think?

Probably NOTHING......

I am sure that my kids ears are PAINTED on,

or maybe they don't work.

Sooooo, ALL night last night,

I said

"Mattie pick this, up"

"Mattie please pick this up"

"Brohlen stop spitting"

Brohlen stop spitting"

"please eat your dinner"

"do your home work"

"No more fighting"

I am a broken record

The funny part of this is,

I remember my parents saying;

"Why do I always have to ask you a hundred times"

"why are you not listening?"

OOOH it came to get me!

Don't get me wrong,

my kids are GREAT!!

ALL of them are sweet, and soo smart.

Like the other day,

Kev and I had our anniversay....

Mattie cleaned the house and helped Brohlen clean his room.

Mattie also wanted to take us out for dinner!!

$$$$$$$$$

So nice of her, so she took us to..............

McDonald's.
Yes, McDonald's.

It's the thought that counts.

It is just driving me crazy to say it over, and over, and over and over...

I feel like I can't stop saying it!!!!!!!!!!

We went to dinner and I got cold so Billy

took off his jacket and gave it to me.... (ooh)

Callie is always helping me clean, and she is always complimenting me.

Brohlen...... uuumm he is Brohlen.

Crazy, silly, BOY and ALL BOY!!

He tells me he loves me about a million times a day.

All of them always make sure that I am eating or I got something good to eat,

instead of always being the last or the one with the burnt piece.

So,

I guess it is ok to repeat.

I get so many more blessings from my kids, they are AMAZING.

My kids are EVERYTHING!!!

From the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep

and even in my sleep,

I long to be with them, hold them, hear them play,

laugh and ok even fight!!

Being me is GREAT

Sweet Mattisin!

2009-04-19T20:00:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was Matties birthday!

I can't beleive she is 11 years old ALREADY.....

How time goes SOOOOO fast.

I still remember like it was yesterday the day she was born.I had a hard pregnancy, but I NEVER complained.

When I was 7 months pregnant my gall bladder got blocked by

gall stones. Before my surgery I had 2 shots of steroids a day.

My surgery was 8 or so hours long and OOOH so painful.

I had to be started 2 weeks early due to my blood pressure being so HIGH

but, it was an EASY delivery.

Three pushes and she was out, it was amazing.

I remember bringing her home and it snowed that day,

and I panicked about the driving.

I dressed her up like a little doll, and she NEVER wore the same outfit twice.

Mattie, was the most WONDERFUL little girl.

ALWAYS happy,

always helpful,

always smililng,

and the sweetest GIRL EVER!!

Once when I got really sick,

she was laying by me on my bed and started singing:

"You are so beautiful to me" oooh how I cried.

Mattie has saved me so many times in my life.

Her spirit and faith is so strong,

she is the best example.

April Birthday's!!

2009-04-15T20:20:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was my nephew Alex's birthday, he is NOW 9.....

Alex is truly a CHARACTER!!

He is so much fun to be around and so laid back.

He is so carefree and loveable.

Being around him makes my day so much better.

He is ALWAYS calling me out of the blue, just to say

I LOVE YOU AUNT HEIDI,

he will sing me a song on my voicemail that will make me laugh.

Alex, I love you so much!!

Today is my mom's birthday!!!

Yeah MOMMY...

Most of you know my mom and how wonderful she is.

Being her daughter is even better!

I have so many wonderful memories with my mom.

She NEVER missed a dance performance, soccer game, or anything

I wanted to do.

No matter how much or how little she was ALWAYS there.

When I would fall she was on the side of me helping me to find a way back up!

She is a good example to me.

My mom is ALWAYS there for both of my grandma's and her family.

Mom, I hope you had a good day.

WE LOVE YOU!

Next BIRTHDAY????

MATTISIN'S...... 4-18 AAAHHHH

we are trying to get her Taylor Swift tickets for her b-day....

that is near IMPOSSIBLE.

2009-04-15T20:11:00.002-06:00

We had a really good Easter weekend.

We colored eggs, relaxed and flew our kites that the easter bunny brought!

We always have such a good time with the kids, laughing and enjoying

each other. I have very lucky to have FOUR of the most

AMAZING kids.

Better, MUCH better

2009-04-07T13:05:00.003-06:00

Here is the update since my last post;

Tuesday: HORRIBLE, then got better.

Went and played with my friends baby Preslie and took her little boy Parker,

we went to the church for some basketball fun!!

Wednesday: Better, I did have to stay home with Mattie.

Got ALL my easter done, and saw Jylaire and her cute kids. They even invited me to go with them to their grandmas house!!

Thursday: Had a good day at work.

Friday: YEAH friday!! Nice being home with my family.

Saturday: FROZE at Billy and Callies soccer game, and YES they both won!

Then ALL of us watched movies and had popcorn.

Sunday: RELAXING!! watched the GC and played GC Bingo with Mattie.

Kev made breakfast and then he went golfing, we had dinner,

then went out for an ice cream treat!

Things are good in our home and everyone is healthy, or mouthy!!

2009-03-31T14:15:00.002-06:00

This is how I feel:

I am sure i'm going CRAZY!!

Today has been one of my WORST day's.

I usually don't complain, but I have to NOW.

1. Mattie is sick AGAIN... serious amounts of Ketones, and sick belly.

2. I had to WORK today, I love working, and I am thankful I have a job, but, today out of all days I have to be here at work. It is month end and money has to be in TODAY.

3. Kevin is home with Mattie, and he is GREAT!! Although, it is not the same as having mommy there or the one person who knows more than the other. (yes, I am smarter).

4.I have been yelled at by 5 different customers today, 7 accounts have filed Bankruptcy on us, and I have made 3 mistakes!!

PLUS..... I missed my goal by $30,000

5. Brohlen is now getting sick, the babysitter just called me as I am typing all this!

6. It snowed again today!

7. I have a UTI infection.

8. The CEO wants to know why business are not paying us?? (DUH)

9. My good friend is off on maternity leave so she is not here to SAVE ME!

and it goes on and on and on.

So, I am grateful for many things, job, hubby, kids etc.... BuT, today oh I am not feeling the love. I think I am going to explode. Thanks for listening to me vent. Tomorrow will be the

BEST DAY EVER!!

And I will post happy thoughts, and be happy! :)

The Vacuum

2009-03-13T08:19:00.002-06:00

I don't know about any of you, but when I clean I have some crazy OCD.

For instance, I can not use a mop on my floors, I hate that it pushes all the dirt everywhere.

Sooo I use my magic eraser friend and clean on my hands and knees.

I also ALWAYS have to clean the bathroom with PURE Bleach, if I can't smell the bleach I don't think my bathrooms are clean.

I vacuum my house EVERYDAY!!!

I hate crumbs on the floor, especially in the kitchen, and if I can't see

vacuum marks on the floor I feel like it is dirty.

Yes, my kids and Kev think I am INSANE.

Because, when they clean.......

I say thanks so much, and then I do it again!!

But my biggest problem is...........

I CAN'T PUT THE VACUUM AWAY!!!

I leave it out, it is pluged into the wall and the cord

is stretched all through the house and I leave it there, and my WHOLE

house is clean, but I can't put the vacuum away.

It feels like TOO much energy to put it away.

So, the other night Kev was coming to bed and the vacuum was left

in the hall.....

and

HE TRIPPED!!!

OOH was I ever in trouble.

I know, I am a fanatic about some many things,

but, really putting the vacuum away?

So, tell me what you can't put away, and make me

feel better!!

2009-03-12T07:34:00.002-06:00

Last night we had our Relief Society Birthday Party!!

It was so much fun. I went with my cute neighbor Stephanie, and got to see all my lovely sisters that I usually don't get to see.

Being in the Primary is such a blessing, and now that Brohlen gets to go to Primary I can see all the nose picking adventures.

But, being in Primary I do miss out on the great lessons that are taught by the wonderful sister in our ward, and the deep discussion they have, and getting to meet the new members that come.

I know that my calling serves a great purpose and I can't be happier with my calling, becuase the kids say the craziest things about the mommies and daddies !!

Last night we had Simple Grace come and sing for us, and it was really amazing how ALL of us could feel the spirit and know the love that we share with each other.

It is such a blessing to have so many woman in our lives, that can help us through so many challenges and to know that we are not alone.

I am grateful for the Relief Society and for the church.

Our Valentine's

2009-02-20T22:08:00.003-07:00

We had the best Valentine's Day at the Monster Jam!!

It was the best show we have seen, Kev and I usaully take the kids once a year and now that Brohlen is older he could go. Two of the trucks tipped over and one broke his front end, then they had the Motor Cross... even cooler. Brohlen said when he is 18 he is going to drive a Blue Monster Truck and do "fwipps" and "weally fast".

Later when we got home all of us ate nacho's and laughed telling stories til about 2 am.

I am truly blessed with great kids and such a good man.

Busy !!!

2009-01-22T07:42:00.002-07:00

Ok, I have not posted in a long time!!

We have been BUSY.

So here is a rundown, and soon I will put the pic's.

December:

Callie's birthday, Lexi's birthday and my birthday.

Then I had surgery on my stomach, two days after my surgery,

I had surgery on my mouth and part of my jaw.... TOOK 4,

YES, 4 hours in the dentists office!!!

Home in SEVERE PAIN !!!

I don't know what I was thinking.

OOOH and then x-mas party after x-mas party!

Could not eat.... and still have a hard time eating meat. Thats ok it is not my fav.

Then CHRISTMAS!!!!

Presents, presents... hubby made great breakfast, and my parents and sister

came to my house to enjoy it!!

I love that tradition!!

So, still healing and then New Year's....

January:

and here I am now.

Mattie is seeing a heart doctor soon, her seizures are more minimal, and I have to see the doc soon too, and we get to see the MONSTER TRUCKS next month.

WORK, play and be MERRY!!

I have made home made Banana Bread, choco chip cookies and my own home made breadsticks as well as almost everything now home made.

I noticed Mattie's blood sugars did better if I did not use that yucky box stuff.

So, there you have it me in a nutshell!

I hope this makes you happy, MOM and KRISTIE!!

love you though.

OOOH 30

2008-12-14T19:51:00.002-07:00

So I am now 30....

Kev knew that this birthday for me was not easy!!

I would have just forgot all about it, but him and Mattie would not have it.

My great friends at work took me to lunch and let me know that I am still pretty cool.

So 12/13/08 came and I did not have to roll out of bed and use a

CANE,

my hair is still BLONDE/BROWN,

I am still some what cool to my older KIDS,!!

I still have my MEMORY (what is left),

not using a WALKER,

Kevin still thinks I am GORGEOUS.

I got fun presents and my family took me to dinner in Salt Lake City...

OOH the best I didn't even have to clean ANYTHING!!

Kev told me to be grateful for 30, because turning 50 may just KILL ME!

It was a really nice birthday and I still don't like saying I am 30, so I WON'T.

Thanks Kev and my wonderful kids. You made my birthday wonderful.

The "MAN COLD"

2008-11-19T07:54:00.005-07:00

The "MAN COLD" can be a tragic event for all us gal's. There is the whining, and the groaning and the world comes to an END!! He can not move, he can not eat by himself, he will tell you it is more painful than child birth!!

He will tell you it is the the PLAGUE.

YOU need to pity them as well as wait on them HAND & FOOT

The symptoms are horrible:

coughing,

sneezing,

sore throat,

low energy

and the telltale man-whine.

What's a girl to do?

Yes, it's up to us ladies to save a man from their colds.

Let's go through the drill:

Do not put him in bed. Instead, let him stay on the couch.

Turn on the TV — fast. Not the History Channel. That takes thinking.

He'll be too weak to call for you, so make sure to check in on him every three minutes.

He'll need an endless supply of tissues, fast food, cookies and lots of love.

Once he shows signs of improvement (by asking you what you're doing every 10 minutes), he's ready for a movie series.

Next step in the man-cold treatment plan.

Tell him you can't remember if you feed a cold, starve a fever or the reverse, so you'd better call your mom; if she lives in the vicinity, invite her over.

If a week has gone by and there's no improvement, bring out the big guns: get a good chick flick if he's not in the shower after that, then try these chick flicks too:

Steel Magnolia's

The Notebook

Princess Bride

A Walk on the Moon....
He'll be back on his feet before you can say, "Do these pants make my butt look big?"

My friends and I always get a good laugh after one of our hubbies gets this catastrophic cold, it is funny to me how they fall apart because they are sneezing or they have the body aches!

Black Friday!!

2008-11-12T08:28:00.006-07:00

Only two weeks til.... BLACK FRIDAY!

Are you a BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPER??

We usually are not, although Mattie and I do like to go to the mall and have lunch and we NEVER leave with out Mrs. Fields Cookies YUM.

This year I am really interested in seeing what deals they will have,

the economy is YUCK, and so I am hoping for WONDERFUL deals.

Maybe, wishful thinking?

So there are several web sights you can check out.

So you can scope the deal sooner, and keep checking the sight, because they post them when they get them.

http://www.theblackfriday.com/

http://www.blackfriday.info/

http://www.blackfridayads.com/

Kev, and I are scoping out again for TV's. We bought two flat screens last year, on

BLACK FRIDAY!!

Got a way good deal, so now that our oldest is 13 we thought we would get him a nicer TV.

Other then that, not sure if I dare to venture out !

I have never been in a fight, but have seen some NAUGHTY mommies and daddies,

pushing and pulling over a TOY!!

My kids will live without, if it becomes a fight or a hassle!!

The only thing I drove all over UTAH for was, for Mattie of course

The Babblin Boo doll, off of Monster's INC.
So, what are you scoping out or hoping for??

A little humor

2008-10-24T09:58:00.002-06:00

Words Women Use

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Don't be mad about this, it is just the same 5 minutes you use whenit's your turn to help do things around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine (see #1).

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think longand hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you - do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying "YOU ARE ANNOYING ME!"

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking"what's wrong" - for the woman's response refer to #3.

Is it time?

2008-10-16T14:50:00.002-06:00

For the longest time now, I have been getting the same answer

YES

YES!!

I know I should follow my heart and the spirit,

truly i am scared.

Will it change who I am?

Will it hurt my marriage?

Will I regret it?

If I have doubt, maybe it isn't my time!!

Kev and I are not married in the temple and right now in our lives Kevin doesn't attend church with Mattie, Brohlen and I.

We used to go and then he got mad because Naomi (xwife) would tell the kids all sorts of bad stuff about our church. She and the kids attend the Community of Christ, and woman get to hold the priesthood too.

Anyway, Kev stopped going, he still beleives and he loves that Mattie and Brohlen have good values, and he supports me with my choices too.

So, lately I have had the WHISPER!!

GO TO THE TEMPLE!!

I feel that is where I need to direct my life and set that example for the kids

so WHY am I so scared??

Mattie talks about going on a mission, Brohlen has to say his prayers and he thanks GOD everyday for the church (he came up with by himself).

So, I am in hope that maybe my friends can help me see!!

Kev supports me and says I should, but he is not ready, so maybe that is why I should wait?

Spouse Tag

2008-10-09T08:44:00.003-06:00

Where did we meet? At my sisters house, I thought he was nerdy at first
2. How long did we date before we married? 5 Years
3. How long have we been married? 3 years and I never remember our anniversary ( I know horrible)
4. He surprises me by.... unexpected treats or lunch at work!
5. My favorite feature of him is.... his huge eyes and smile, he makes me melt
6. His nicknames for me are... babe, sexy mama (he must be blind)
7. His favorite food... meat and potatoes YUCK YUCK!!
8. His favorite sport .... football (redskins fan BOO) & golf (boring). When I am in trouble that is what I get stuck watching GOLF!!
9. Where was our first kiss? his apartment 3 months after dating
10. Our favorite thing to do? watch football, play cards or games with the kids
11. Any children? Four and NO MORE!
12. Any hidden talents? He can bluff his way through any card game (AARRGH) I NEVER WIN
13. How old is he? 3o and with a walking cane HA HA
14. Who said I love you first? I did, I think
15. Favorite type of music? Metallica, or anything really
16. I admire him most for....his BRAINS!! he is so smart, he juggles running his business and us, can always make us laugh and smile, even when he is supposed to be in time out!
17. Do I think he'll read this? Yes, I will make him read it. I wear the pants in our house!!

Kristie you are TAGGED!!

2008-09-15T21:02:00.001-06:00

(Logan and my daughter Callie)

I have been putting this post off for a couple of days now, I knew I had to get through it without crying.

Early Monday morning my brother in law Lance (kev's bro) called

and let us know that are sweet Logan passed away.

She died peacefully in her sleep, with no pain, with courage and strength to face

the next part of her life.

When Logan was born 20 yrs ago, she was born with water on the brain, and then she

developed other compications, like scoliosis and others.

The doctors told Lance and Stacy that she would live to be no more then a year old,

and her fiery spirit never gave up nor quit.

At a young age this little hero defeated her odds, her bravery will live on in all of us that

knew her. Lance and Stacy took 1 year and turned it into 20 wonderful years, and I am glad I got to be a part of those years.

In some small way, there has been situations that you could say, happened

for a specific reason. Maybe Logan knew the time had come, to pass on

and to take a journey with God.

My friend Jill posted about "do you think things happen for a reason"

In this case I do, for instance there was a reason, I got to spend Friday, Sat, and Sunday with Logan. Normally I don't spend that much time over at Lance's house..

Also, that Sunday night Logan whimpered in her sleep Stacy went and loved her better, and usually Stacy doesn't stay with her long, and this one time she laid with her on her bed

for a while... Logan was saying good bye MOMMY!!

She knew she had to have a special way of saying good bye, since she could not talk

she did it with her love and comfort.

It is hard to see a blessing out of something that hurts so bad.

Her death is not what scares me, it is the aftermath.

Knowing the huggs, kisses, her laugh, the toy throwing, hair pulling IS ALL GONE!!

Logan has moved on, but never will she be forgotten.

Logan, Aunt Heidi loves you so much. Thank you for the wonderful memories, hair pulling, and the Park City trip we took. I am forever grateful for your courage and I hope to live up to the blessing you bestowed upon me.

Love,

Aunt Heidi!!

9/11

2008-09-11T07:31:00.003-06:00

I remember I was driving to work that morning and heard it on the radio, there was so much disbeleif and thinking "No, how does this happen, why". When I got to the office everyone was surrounding the TV, and others were calling family members who were either flying or who worked near the area.

There was so much fear, and terror, uncertanty, and a feeling that all hope was gone. The world has lost it's smile, and the presence of happiness just disappeared. My boss told us to go home and be with our families.

I think that was the longest drive of my life, every station was tuned in to what was going on, people in their cars crying and frantic parents trying to get to their loved ones. When I saw my little Mattie she was smiling and so happy to see me, I did at that moment cry. I cried for joy, sadness and every other emotion in the world.

I was lucky... I still could hold my daughter, laugh with my mom, watch scary movies with my dad, shop with my sister, and most of all I was still here.

I personally did not know any one of the 3000 people killed in the incident, but it did hurt and did affect me by seeing the millions of people suffering and wondering what happened to their loved ones.

It is hard to believe that things of this nature happened and or can happen at any moment of our lives. It is still such a hard thing to cope with for me, and I can only imagine what so many people are going through and what they have gone through.

For those survivors and for those who have lost a loved one, I keep my prayers and thoughts for you daily, knowing that you will forever be hurt by such an act of cruelty.

Hopefully every one can take a deep breath and be thankful for the many blessings we have in our lives and for the loved ones we know, knew and still can enjoy. !!

What year are You?

2008-09-05T08:23:00.003-06:00

OOH is that sad? 1986 REALLY? I guess I am just stuck in the 80's!!

Cheesy is oooh so WRONG!! Never, in my life HUH

You Belong in 1986

Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

What Year Do You Belong In?

OFF to School !!

2008-08-30T21:46:00.004-06:00

So, all of my hoodlums started school Monday.
Billy went to Jr. High, Callie in 5th grade and Mattie 5th as well.
Billy had a really great day in Jr. High he found all his classed and met a CUTE GIRL!!! Callie, loves school and her teacher and is excited to keep going and was very sad that the weekend was coming!!

Mattie on the other hand didn't start off to such a great start!! After I dropped her off she started having a seizure, it was an Epiletic seizure.. I stayed the rest of the day with her. Tuesday another seizure, Wednesday a REALLY LONG one and then they progressed into the day and in the night. Thursday early morn was probably the worst one yet.

Mattie does have GRAN-MAL Seizures, but, they don't happen very often and we usually can kick them pretty quick. Lately, they have lasted anywhere from a minute to 20 minutes and she will come in and out of them.

Having so many of them made it difficult for her to do normal task, such as:
Talking, chewing, walking, remembering easy things as where she is or where her bedroom is at.
We are going to start her on another seizure med and will keep tracking them. The last couple of days she has been doing so much better,it is just heartbreaking to see her lye there limp, confused, and very angry. I was looking at her and staring just to see if she was ALL THERE, and she started to cry and said:
"Mom, please don't look at me like I'm a freak"

OOOH how I cried, I felt horrible, I always teach her not to look or stare at others since she knows how it feels and yet I did it to her.

Mattie, mommy loves you so much, you saved my life!! Everyday is a blessing with you and I am glad that we can share our clothes and fun memories. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom!!

Happy Birthday BIG BOY!!

2008-08-24T22:36:00.006-06:00

Brohlen turned 3 today !!!

His b-day turned out so fun, all the family came for cake and Ice Cream. Although, he did want a Dora cake... we settled for Batman!!

NO !! I did not make the cake, I am just not good at that stuff, Brohlen put in the candles himself too. For some unknown reason, Kev decided to give Brohlen drums and every thing in Toy's R Us that is SOOOOOOOO NOISY!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus's Day

2008-08-22T09:22:00.002-06:00

This post is just in case NO ONE knows, that you can not have a BIRTHDAY on Sunday!!

Brohlen is turning 3 on Sundy August 24th, and I said:

ME: Brohlen your birthday is on Sunday
Him: No, it's Jesus's day and we sing songs
Me: I know after we have church then we are having cake and ice cream, and presents
Him: No, mom my birfday is on Saturday, not jesus day..

At this point he is crying and yelling at me at the same time....
I love this kid and his sweet spirit, I am so blessed that they love the gospel, and that he knows Sunday is church day. Even if he didn't I still love him.

So no one has a birthday on that day!!

COLLECTIONS !!

2008-08-21T07:46:00.006-06:00

We may or may not have ALL had the CALL :::

A COLLECTION CALL.

I wish we all looked like Daisy, but no.. it is a huge call center and most of the agency now are on dialers (horrible), but faster dialing.

No, they are not pleasant and it is the hardest thing to hear on the phone, saying you have a past due bill and you have to pay it NOW!!!

So, I have been in the collection YUCK for 10 years NOW, that is very, very LONG!! I have done it all from dialer to cold calling, or to being the manager and as well as REPO's...

Yes, I have had to reposess cars, trucks, vans you name it.

Three years ago I got our home phone hooked up and with in 24 hours the calls POURED IN!! Collection agency after another, after another... calling for "Jane Doe"... several times of wrong #, this is the Rogers house now, we don't know her. Yet again, they tell me I know where she is and this is her phone #.... BLAH BLAH BLAH

YEP, I have had it. I know the collection Law and I know how they try to get around it, I also know that THEY CAN NOT KEEP CALLING ME!!!

This young kid called again last night @ 9:15 PM (so braking the law) and asked for "Jane Doe"

ME: Wrong # this is the Rogers House

Him: Oh do you know her

Me: NO, and please take this phone # out of your dialer please.

Him: Well, do you know how I can get a hold of her?

Me: DUH, I do not know who she is and we EVERY ONE in the US is looking for her, so good luck getting your MONEY!!

HIM: how did you know it is a collection call?

ME: Done it for 10 years and now you have just broke 2 laws, don't call after 9 and NEVER tell any one it is collections. Now, please take my # off the dialer and don't call again please.

HIM: Ok, thanks

This morning @ 6:20 AM
Me: Hello

?: is "Jane Doe" there

ME: You guys called me last night @ 9, and that is a big NO,NO and now your calling me at 6 in the morning, what state are you in?

?: New York... I need "Jane Doe"

Me: Wrong # I want your manager NOW

?: Well, I am the manager............ (yeah right)

thats the oldest saying in the book, your taught to say that..

Me: No, your not your breaking the FDCPA law and now I want a manager.

?: You don't even know what that stands for and I will call you every hour on the hour until you get "jane Doe" on the phone.........

There was more said in the conversation, but WOW it felt like an eternity, this kid was so persistant... AND OOOHH will I find him and that Company... it is my job to find people!! Now, I have a better collection job it is only Accts Receivable, and it is for businesses!!

OOH I am VERY MAD VERY MAD.

Then he hung up on me and the worst part of it all is, that they call from random 800#'s so there is no way to trace the call, or to even find out what company he is from.
I am VERY tolerant of this, since I know how it works... BUT don't threaten a threater!!

So, not a very nice morning and now I hope none of my lovely friends have to go through this,

but if you do let me know and I will help you to get them to STOP CALLING YOU!!!

SHOPPING!!

2008-08-17T17:17:00.002-06:00

I took my girls up to Park City this weekend to go school shopping !!!
We had so much fun, my sister-n-law and her best friend came up and we stayed in a suite at the hotel, right across from the outlets.

We went to Historic Main Street and ate pizza and then went swimming all day and all night, as well as SHOPPED, SHOPPED, SHOPPED !!!
On the way home we stopped and saw the Devils Slide...
I wasn't to impressed with the deals they had up there, I remember always going with my mom and we got really good deals, and as my girls would say " that was WAY back in the day". We got a lot but they were the same prices as they are down here, but we will def. do it again.

HELP !!!

2008-08-06T10:23:00.001-06:00

Ok, so my blog really needs a makeover and every where I try I get an ERROR message and then I can not make it work.

So HOW, WHAT, WHEN, WHO, can help me or what can I do...

Any Ideas are greatly appreciated. As you can see my blog really needs some help.

Jaxon !!

2008-08-01T08:01:00.003-06:00

Today is my nephews 11th BIRTHDAY!!

Last night we all got together for dinner and had so much fun.
I asked Jaxon what he wanted for his birthday and he said;

Jaxon " I need a bag of deodarant"

Me: " UUHH ok, WHY?"

Jaxon: " Well, I am getting older and I STINK!!!"

Me: "OK how about something funner like legos or music"

Jaxon " ok get me a CD player"

Me: "ok you got it"

So, I got him a really cool cd player that will also allow him to hook up his IPOD !!

My mom and my sister got him some cool deodarant!!

What a kid, Jaxon your amazing and the best nephew EVER!! I love you so much. We all appreciate all that you do for the family, I am glad that you and I are so close and that when we are together we have so much fun...

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!!!

Love always,
Aunt Heidi

Results !!

2008-08-01T07:30:00.002-06:00

So yesterday I went into the my follow up appt. with my doctor
AND THE RESULTS ARE::::::::

Fibrosis and Ductal Ectasia.
HUH ???

Yeah, that is what I said, so Fibrosis is I don't know and ductal ecstasia is when the milk ducts swell or close. This mostly happens in woman 40-50 years of age... So she said to me "Heidi, welcom to getting older"

WHAT??
Are ya kidding me, older?
I have now decided I will not turn 30 this year, I will turn 28 years old again and I will remain there forever!!!
Getting older REALLY, who says that. So I looked up dectal ecstasia online and yes it happens to woman who are PRE-POST MENOPAUSAL !! OOH how I am aging.
So it was good news, but we found a small lymph node in my arpit that is now swollen and I am supposed to watch it and keep track of it. I see her again in January and she will do another ultra-sound on it then. Other then that I am doing really good, I have very little pain at all.
That is due to the fact that mine are VERY VERY SMALL!!

Being the "OTHER" Parent

2008-07-30T13:36:00.005-06:00

I am a STEP MOM!!!

I am not this:

So I thought.

I really try hard to not make my "Step kids" feel like they are mine and not just his!!

So things I do to make this happen:

1. Buy them school clothes and school supplies. I use equal money on all the kids.

2. Equal money spent on X-mas gifts.

3.Never call them my "STEP KIDS", they are my children and I love them.

4. Attend all parent teacher conf, and back to school night.

5. We pay our child support and for school lunches.

6. Paid for braces on both kids.

7. Paid for glasses and contacts.

8. Very active in the sports they play or things they like to do, and it goes on and on, not that I am saying I am super mom and all, but I really try hard to let them know I love them and the qualities they bring to the family.

So they are getting a older and it was a fight to have them come over sometimes, so Kev and I agreed to let them come over when they want to, as to making them be there. This was really hard for me to do. I wanted to see them all the time and do so much as a family, but I agreed and it has been pleasant. So here is why this kind of STEP MOM COMES OUT!!

So now, I am fed up with:
1. Naomi (mom) tells the kids that I am only Heidi not mom.
2. Does not let Callie call me more then twice a week.
3. Refuses to let them do homework @ our house, we will do it wrong.
4. Tells them that Kev and I love Mattie and Brohlen lots more since they live with us 24/7.
5. Wanted to take Callie and Mattie to Hannah Montana concert was told no she can't go, then took her herself.
6. Will not let the kids take the toys we bought them over the her house.
7. She now will not let me buy them school clothes, she told me this today,
8. When I did buy them she would hide them or throw them away.
9. If I tell her I am planning on doing something fun with the kids she will go out do it or not let them come with us.
10. Doesn't let them attend church with me.
on and on.................................
I Would not ever change anything in the world that I have done and not wanting to complain because I love my life, I am just tired of "PARENTS" being absolutely RIDICULOUS!! Get over it and move on, for the kids sake. Be happy that there is some one in your child's life that loves them and is willing to be there for them.

Surgery

2008-07-23T15:59:00.002-06:00

So my little SKITTLE was operated on today. They removed the lump and my surgery took about an hour and a half, my incision is 3 inches long and feels like its on FIRE!!! Other then that I am doing really good. My kids and hubby are taking really good care of me, daddy went to pick Brohlen up from the babysitters and had a talk with him about being very careful, so when he got home Brohlen said " you booby sad today", "yes Brohlen mommies booby is sad and sore". So he gave me a kiss very carefully on my cheek.

My wonderful neighbor took Mattie to Lagoon A Beach today so Mattie was not bored sitting around.

The doctor told Kev, that she is not sure what she has removed, she is not sure that it is Fibroadenoma or a fatty tissue or a cyst. So we will just wait for the biopsy and then go from there. I am positive it is absolutly nothing.

Keep our fingers crossed, and I hate taking pain killers so pray I don't need one for a while.

2008-07-12T22:16:00.009-06:00

Kev went up camping with a bunch of guys, so the kids and I went to the Roy Water Park!!It was really fun, it was nice because Mattie and Brohlen just played in the kiddie pool and I got to lay out and relax.

So, I had to say something POSITIVE about our swimming adventure... WHY??

OOH I will tell ya, I did not want to go, I gained a bit of weight and put my swimming suit on and OOOH BOY did I look like
YES, that is RASPUTIA from Norbit the movie!! So, I had to buy a new swimming suit and there was some slim pickins @ Target today. I also HATE getting my picture taken, I am my worst critic EVER!! Mattie snuck one in of me and it is time for me to SHAPE UP. Although I did have a lot of fun swimming and I did not go thru any fence when I went down the water slide.

I am FIRING the MOON BOOTS!!

2008-07-12T16:37:00.016-06:00

I bought Brohlen some Spider Man snow boots, so that we could RARELY go out side in the FREEZING COLD... so here he is with his new boots on.

he keeps wearing them and wearing them, yes it is summer and he has shorts on and MOON BOOTS, he looks like Napolean Dynamite.

OOH and yes here they are again, shirtless and BOOTS!! I really have hid them and almost threw them away, but I just could not hurt him that way.... AAAGGHHH!! He even sleeps with them on. He has to wear them to church so he can show his FRIENDS??? Really Brohlen your are ONLY 2.

So, I am just going to have to live with it, and eventually they will not fit.

Better late then Never!!

2008-07-12T16:23:00.006-06:00

So our 4th of July was GREAT!! We went to the Layton park and I got to see Tana, and Charissa and lots of friends from school. We had a BBQ at our house, it was really relaxing. Brohlen usually loves the fireworks, but he got scared of the sparkler and then was afraid when Kev lit the big fireworks... He is funny boy

Sonora Grill!! It will be Yummy

2008-07-10T07:32:00.004-06:00

Sonora Grill!!

Kacie you have made us all very, very HUNGRY!! We should all try and get out there so we can then drowl with Kacie..
I have heard this is a Fresh Mexican restaurant and with wonderful service as well as food.

Go check out Kacie's page and she has a fun little drawing too!!

My addiction's

2008-07-03T07:23:00.014-06:00

So cute Jill posted about her addiction to DR. Pepper and was really funny.
So here is my addiction's

Love these things, it is almost to the point that I can not go to bed until I eat one of these with a glass of milk. Ya, that totally adds up to more calories and fat grams then I need in one day. They are so good.

My other love of my life is Mr. Clean, yes his bald head is cute.... but he can really clean my house. With three older kids and Brohlen aka Dennis the Menace, it is so CRAZY how dirty my house can get. I buy a box of these at least every two weeks, I REALLY CLEAN EVERYTHING with these. I maybe think my hubby a bit jealous.

My other addiction is Diet Coke, so we started to buy this after Mattie was diagnosed with Diabetes, now, we are all STUCK on it. I am trying really hard not to have it at all, or just one a day. Since I have cut back I did lose 3 pounds... YEAH ME!!

So there are mine, it will be fun to have "friends" post addictions too. Thanks Jill!!

Give Away!!

2008-06-25T18:33:00.001-06:00

We all love free stuff, and Jill found this great BLOG.. Click on the link and you need to post a comment and tell them that you got it from me, and your entered into a drawing. This is so much fun. Thanks Jill.

OH My Boys!!

2008-06-25T07:44:00.005-06:00

So yestereday on my way home from work I drank a big thing of water, so of course had to go to the potty. Got in there went and then there was no toilet PAPER!!!

WHAT???? who does this sort of thing, then I had a VISION,

the culprits MEN, BOYS, KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So seriously if no one else goes through this I think, I will GO CRAZY!!!!! It is so not hard to change the toilet paper, and totally not hard for them to PEE in the big hole they have. I am not sure what they are doing, but it gets all over the toilet, sometimes in find it on my wall.... BROHLEN!!

So what I did you ask??
I said "Kevin, Brohlen, no longer will you pee any where else but in the BIG HOLE !!!!!! if so you will clean it yourself, also I taught them how to change the toilet paper rolls. Just in case they didn't know how to.

Average Bra Size

2008-06-23T13:29:00.002-06:00

So what I have on top is "Skittles" that is my nickname for my not so big chest size. Brohlen asked me the other day where my "boobs" were, and I was like UUUH DUH!!! Kevin laughed and said that maybe someday I would get bigger ones. So in my feel sorry for my little "SKITTLES" I decided to look up the average bra size, thinking that I am right in the average...

Average breast size breakdown
According to the information we have available, here's how average breast size in America breaks down:
AA cup: 2%
A cup: 15%
B cup: 44%
C cup: 28%
D cup: 10%
DD cup: 1%
So the average breast size is something of a Bell curve, with B cup right in the middle.

Lingerie manufacturer Frederick's of Hollywood reports that in 1996, the average size of bras they sold was 34B. Currently, the average is a 36C.

UUMM I am no where near that AAGHHH

Now, granted those who purchase lingerie from Frederick's are not statistically representative sampling of American women. Nonetheless, this change is extremely interesting.
Similar data about the increase in average breast size comes from the UK, where busts grew from 36B to 36C between 1997 and 1999. According to The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior, breasts across Asia grew from 34A to 34C between 1980 and 2000.
What's behind the increase in average breast size?

There's no solid answer behind the steady rise in average breast size, but there are some theories.

Some fashion designers believe that the increase in average breast size is a result of the garment industry. Many clothing manufacturers inflate or deflate sizes according to the times. As all women know, different brands of shoes and clothing fit differently. There's a big difference in a size 10 from two different companies. And as larger breasts have become more fashionable, possibly C cups have been getting smaller so more women can be proud to have a larger than average size.

Some sociologists point to the general weight gain among Americans as the cause of the increase in average breast size. Bigger people, the remind us, tend to have bigger breasts. And as obesity reaches epidemic proportions, the breasts of overweight women keep pace with the rest of them.
A final, and far more terrifying, explanation is that of excessive estrogens in the environment. Due to industrial pollution and widespread use of oral contraceptives, there are high levels of estrogens found in water in many places. In some rivers, fish are dying out because there's so much estrogen in the water that all the fish are born female. In this scenario, average breast size is growing due to this hormonal pollution.

WOW that is pretty darn interesting!!!

Well, I will just settle with my "SKITTLES" and just be all NATURAL.....

Looking life in the face.

2008-06-18T22:01:00.004-06:00

I wasn't going to say anything, then my GREAT HUBBY said that the more people are aware and hear stories the better off we are, so here is the begining of mine.

I recently found a lump in my left breast also I have a swollen lymph node in my left arm pit.

I KNOW, I KNOW HOLY COW!!!

I went today to have my mammogram and they started with an ultrasound HORRID !!

Anyway, she found the mass right away. It is the size of a quarter and looks like a benign mass and also has some inconsistencies. The doctor told me that she recommends me have a breast biopsy and have the mass removed. There is a non malignant mass called Fibroadenoma, which mine sort of looks like, they can be cancerous but very rare. Most Fibroadenoma's have to be removed soon so they can biopsy the whole thing to determine cancer or not.

YEP STILL SPEECHLESS !!!!

So, I am now looking my life in the face and wondering the HOW, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE's of life and all I can do is LIVE!! I now have a different perspective on my life as well as those around me. I am not posting about this for sympathy or DRAMA.. not one for the DRAMA.

I Just want all my friends and family to know how fast a perfect life can go so BUMPY and SHORT.

Taking things for granted is now a thing of my past, I will now PLAY HARDER, LOVE MORE, HOLD MY KIDS LONGER, ACHIEVE MY GOALS, and SURVIVE what ever comes at me.

Thank you to my mom, my husband, Kristie, and Julie for your words of encouragement for now it is my strength.

My Mother

2008-06-18T19:45:00.003-06:00

You are truly a special person to so many people and I am blessed to have you in my life!!

My mom is really amazing, I don't get the chances to tell her how amazing she really is. When her dad was really sick she spent numerous nights with her mom and by his side, she set such an example of what a FAMILY is and what a FAMILY does for each other.

My mommy has had her share of illness and I have seen her strength and her power to stay HAPPY and Optimistic.

Mom, I thank you every day for being my mom and loving me unconditionally.

Chicken Caesar Pasta Salad

2008-06-18T07:26:00.003-06:00

12 to 16 oz bow-tie pasta cooked and cooled
8 to 10 boneless, skinless chicken tenders, cooked and cubed
3 cups fresh spinach leaves
1 1/2 cups frozen peas, thawed
1 1/2 Caesar salad dressing
1/2 cup grated Asiago cheese

Mix all ingredients except cheese in a bowl. Sprinkle cheese over top.
Refrigerate 1-2 hours before serving. Add more dressing, if necessary.
Makes 8-10 servings.

Sorry, I was supposed to post this on Monday, but my hubby to us to the Drive-Inn instead. '
Now that summer is aproaching it is nice to have cool salads to eat or to take to that great BBQ.
This recipe is out of our 101 Things to do With Salad. You can check them out at
www.Gibbs-smith.com

WINNER !!!

2008-06-17T08:02:00.001-06:00

Jill you WON the cookbook.... I am so glad to share fun things I like with fun friends. So I will get it in the mail to you today. I hope you enjoy.

FREE Cook Book

2008-06-10T19:04:00.002-06:00

One of my Favorite Cook Books and it can be yours for free!!! Here is how...

I posted a Chewy Lemon Bar recipe and it is so goood, all you have to do is make the Lemon Bars and then let me know how you liked them. I will put every ones name in a drawing and on Monday June 16th I will have a winner!!

ANY ONE can enter... so tell friends and family too.

When you leave your comment on my blog please include your emai address so that I can get your information to send you the cook book.

You can also buy the cook book on www.Gibbs-Smith.com or let me know and I can help you get to the right people.

SO GET BAKING !!!

CHEWY LEMON BARS

2008-06-09T22:12:00.003-06:00

Ok, so I am horrible at cooking and I would rather not do it at all, if it were not for my
WONDERFDUL HUSBAND!!
Then my family would starve or eat CEREAL (yuck)..
So where I work we have so many 101 Things to do with.... they are so easy and good, that even I a DUMMY in the kitchen can do. Food is not one of my favorite things unless it is easy to do.
So I will every Monday night post a new recipe that I my self have tried and enjoy, this will spark some food for my families little tummies.....
I hope you enjoy.

This recipe comes from 101 Things to do With a Cake Mix.
1 Lemon Cake Mix
1 Egg
1/2 Cup Butter, melted
3 3/4 Cups Powderded sugar
2 Eggs, beaten
8oz Cream Cheese, softened
1 tsp. Vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix together cake mix, egg, and butter. Spread into a greased 9 x 13 inch pan.
In a separate bowl, mix together powdered sugar, beaten eggs, softned cream cheese, and vanilla until smooth. Spread mixture over bottom layer

Bake 30-40 minutes, until top layer turns a light golden brown.

SWEET MATTIE

2008-06-08T10:48:00.002-06:00

Well my sweet Mattie left yesterday morning. I did pretty good crying wise, the flight attendants let me walk her on the plane and take a picture of her. I explained about her diabetes and they promised me that they would take the BEST CARE of her.

She text me when she landed then called me when she got off the plane and was with her dad.

OOH and for dad, he is doing a SUPER JOB!!!! Mattie had some LOW blood sugars and so dad pumped her full of sugary drinks, cookies, cake ect ect... so of course she got sick in the middle of the night, and he called me @ 1:30 am in a PANIC. I explained to him that when low and continuos low's then do frosting in the cheecks for a quicker high, and allow her to eat some bread or crackers to absorb the fluid.. he laughed and so did I.

Mattie is doing really well, Aaron is following the Care Plan for her and calling me with questions. I apologized for the trouble and he said "NO NO you do this all the time day in and day out, your amazing with her and he is glad that I give him the oppertunty to learn" WOW it is nice to be friends.

I will keep all posted on how she is doing.

2008-06-06T10:25:00.002-06:00

So Mattie is leaving tomorrow for Texas. I am the sadest mommy in the world, her dad has stepped up to the plate and he has really realized that her diabetes is the first priority. I am sure that him and Mattie will do just fine. Me on the other hand I cry like a blubbering baby... especially when she walks on the plane, and then thats it she is gone. He is driving her back to Utah the end of June so it will not be forever and will go by so fast. Aaron and I have had several talks about what to do and to let him know that its always ok to call me with any questions no matter what. Mattie will also have her cell phone with her so she can call as well. Thanks to all of you that blogged to make me feel better, your advise was more then appreciated. I will keep every one posted on how she is doing while she is in Texas.

2008-06-02T08:25:00.003-06:00

Here is Brohlen singing Bob the Builder or yelling the song.

Mattie

2008-05-30T23:45:00.005-06:00

Mattie sees her real dad about twice a year since he lives in Texas now. I have always let her decide when she wants to go and I always pay for the plane tickets and what ever she needs so she can see her dad. So Nov 2006 she went to Texas for Thanksgiving and spent a week with her dad. While there he felt it unnecessary to follow the instructions for her diabetes and I was going to fly down there and he assured me that he would start to take care of it. So she came home first part of December and was immediately put in the hospital with Diabetic Ketone Acidosis (very bad). I was not angry with him, just wanted him to realize that we deal with it daily and need to do what is best for her. I think he has the point now... Anyway she wants to go this upcoming weekend to Texas, and I have agreed to let her go. I don't want her to miss the opportunities with her dad.

My friend told me that I was being very careless with her, and now I feel guilt. I think it is OK to let him have another chance to show that he will do what is necessary for her health, and Mattie really wants to go. I do not push my opinions upon her, she is allowed to make her own choices, but yet as a mom now I want to tell her NO...

HELP, not sure what to do, I don't want to be a bad mom and expose her to the danger again. Any advice will be great.....

2008-05-30T21:54:00.002-06:00

We went to the Zoo last weekend and it was so CROWDED, but we did have fun. It is so nice to be able to go and do things as a family and actually get a long...

Brohlen's Favorite part was the train and of course the MONKEY'S thats because he is a monkey.

2008-05-27T22:12:00.000-06:00

My poor Callie broke her arm about 3 weeks ago and she finally got her cast on... Thankfully she did not have to have surgery on her arm, since this is the second time she broke it and in the same place.. Can we say CLUMSY !!! Now she has an adorable pink cast and her mom put cute black dots on it, and it is water proof so we can still go swimming this summer. That is if she can behave and not fall down.

2008-05-21T08:19:00.000-06:00

Where I work we have a few samples of our Spring 08 books to come... One of my fav is the French Toast.. So here is one of the recipes and you can also see more on our blog it is in my FRIENDS.

FROM THE COOKBOOK
French Toast

Crunchy Graham Dipping SticksMakes 24 sticks
The sweet crunchy graham cracker coating will appeal to everyone in your family, young and old.
Ingredients
6 slices lightly toasted Texas-style toast (or other firm,
thick white bread)
1 cup heavy cream
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon salt
9 graham crackers
Canola oil
Directions: Cut each bread slice lengthwise into four sticks. In a pie pan or other shallow pan, mix together the cream, eggs, vanilla and salt. Whirl the graham crackers in a food processor until they are fine crumbs. Spread graham cracker crumbs on a plate. Dip sticks, one by one, into egg mixture and then press into cracker crumbs, coating thoroughly. Heat a little oil in a small frying pan. Cover and cook sticks over medium heat 2 to 3 minutes on each side, or until lightly browned. Cool until warm enough to handle. Serve with a side of syrup and use your fingers to dip.

The DRAMA starts

2008-05-21T07:26:00.000-06:00

So Mattie is 10 years old.. that makes me feel way old, anyway she is in the fourth grade and WOW I can not believe how the DRAMA is out of control. I teach my kids to be friends with every one and no matter if they are mean to you still CTR (choose the right). So my Mattie is so sweet, and she has some friends that are nerdy and some that are the "popular kids" anyway she has some friends that tried telling her she will not be cool unless she has a boyfriend. I fought with her on this for EVER... finaly gave up and said "OK, have one and you will see how dumb it is and how it means nothing" so she did and she saw my point, so she told the kid no more and just to be friends.. SHE WAS MADE FUN OF, for it.. she was devastated and I really don't know what to tell her. Mattie is so mature for her age and so confident in her self, but yet with this one friend Kinzlee... ( I don't care for her) she is trouble... Now Kinzlee doesn't want to be Matties friend and is starting RUMORS!! OH MY GOSH the drama... I am not sure I will survive this...

2008-05-12T11:03:00.001-06:00

My mother's Day was good, I am not much of Mother's Day fan. So I don't have any expectations so my family made me breakfast and they even cleaned up the mess... My cute little primary class got me flowers and they are so cute. It was really relaxing and nice, I am thankful for the oppertunity to be a MOTHER, and my kids are so good and sweet. So I hope all the other mom's out there had a wonderful day too.

2008-05-08T22:08:00.000-06:00

Kev and I just had our anniversary and we went to eat @ Market Street Grill it was soooo good, we had so much fun together. It is nice to remember why you fell in love with that person, I am truly blessed to have him in my life.

2008-04-28T19:14:00.000-06:00

Brohlen and I were playing hide-n-seek,
and he decided to try and hide in the toilet !! YUCK

2008-02-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

Kevin took me to Las Vegas ( NO KIDS) for Valentines Day, we stayed in the most wonderful Bed & Breakfast and we had so much fun, until I sat down and then realized I was under the REJECTS sign....

Grandpa Grandpa

2008-01-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

My Cute little grandpa passed away.
He had a rare muscle disease and rhamatoid arthritis.

We miss and love you so much.

Christmas 2007

2007-12-30T21:27:00.000-07:00

We had a really good Christmas, the kids are so spoiled and I ALWAYS get stuck cleaning up the mess... it is not fair.

Halloween

2007-11-01T12:57:00.000-06:00

Halloween is so much fun, I love the smell of carving the pumpkins. Brohlen does so good trick or treating.. we went all over the neighborhood and he was so nice. He has lots of help Mattie sets such a good example.

Halloween 2006

2006-11-01T01:00:00.000-07:00